Friday, July 26, 2013

I suck

Today I was supposed to wake up and run 10 miles. I kind of was thinking I would go farther if I had the time.

I woke up, but I was exhausted. At 4am that is normal and usually when I start running I wake up and forget how tired I was when I opened my eyes.

This morning I started out, and I knew at mile .5 that things were not going to get better - but I continued with my plan.

Well after the first 2 miles I just wanted to stop and sit down. I made myself make it to mile 2.5 -- I told myself, every 2.5 I could stop... 2.5 miles is nothing! (well, it shouldn't be ....)

Well, 2.5 came and went and then I hit 3.5 and stopped again... then I hit 4.3 and sat down.

All I wanted to do was get a cab back home.

After I felt I had sat enough, I got up and headed home. Things were getting worse. I didn't even make it a mile before I was WALKING!

I decided I would run .5 miles... walk.... .5 miles.... walk ... all the way home.

It wasn't that I was winded or out of shape.

My legs just wouldn't move. They were dead. There was nothing in them. I couldn't lift them.

As depression settled in on the way back, I started thinking...

I technically have not had a day off in over 2 weeks AND I did 2 very long runs that I haven't done in a while.

On my "off" day this week I woke up and ran 3 miles.

On my supposed to be off days I did stair climber and weights (the day after the 16 miles) and then Spin and weights yesterday.

So, perhaps I am not giving myself the rest.

Then on top of all this, I want to lose weight so bad that I don't think I am eating right. I think I am consuming the calories, but just not the right types of food to fuel and recover.

So now I sit here in defeat. I feel depressed, fat and out of shape. This attempt happened at 5 am and its almost 5pm and I am still feeling like the worst runner in the world and that perhaps I should just give it all up..... uuuuuuughghghghghg